Being praised for “smart” can be what stunts you the most.
I was the "poised and sophisticated young lady."
The one teachers held up as an example. The fast learner. The natural problem solver. The gifted and talented poster child.
(I mean, when they weren’t neglecting my actual educational, social, or emotional needs.) To be clear, sometimes the praise was instead of needs being met. Praise me into being quiet in the hallway or the coat closet, so they could go back to teaching the grade level lesson.
That praise nearly derailed my entire adult life.
Here's why—and why it might be happening to you too.
The gifted person's invisible trap:
When you're constantly told you're exceptional, you develop what I call "effortless excellence syndrome."
You become so identified with being naturally good at things that you:
→ Avoid challenges where you might struggle
→ Quit when something doesn't come easily
→ Develop a fear of being seen as ordinary
→ Never learn how to work through difficulty
→ Mistake your intelligence for wisdom
→ Are seen as half-assing it because your effort doesn’t look like others’ effort
The result? You become brilliant at many things but masterful at none.
What nobody tells you about gifted traits:
Your pattern recognition can become analysis paralysis—seeing so many possibilities you can't choose any.
Your high standards can become perfectionism that prevents you from starting or finishing anything.
Your complex thinking can become an inability to communicate simply, leaving others baffled by your brilliance (and not impressed).
Your intense focus can become hyperfocus that burns you out or makes you ignore everything else.
Your quick learning can become intellectual arrogance that stops you from accepting feedback or timely input from others (that one nearly took me down in a consensus workplace culture a time or two).
Your sensitivity can become emotional overwhelm that hijacks your decision-making, or lead to intolerance of conflict (which is inevitable).
The sophistication trap:
Because I was praised for being "sophisticated," I learned to:
Hide my confusion behind complex language
Avoid admitting when I didn't understand something
Present certainty (or at least confidence) even when I felt lost
Value appearing smart over actually learning from mistakes
Sound familiar?
I spent years being the smartest person in rooms I had no business being in, giving advice I wasn't qualified to give, taking on projects I wasn't ready for—all because I'd learned that my worth came from effortless competence. Most of it turned out OK on the individual instance because I would put in the work, but boy did it burn me out.
The hidden costs of being "naturally gifted":
✗ You never learned how to fail productively
✗ You avoid situations where you might look foolish
✗ You have imposter syndrome, properly, because deep down, you know you're winging it
✗ You struggle with feedback because it threatens your identity
✗ You change directions frequently because sustained effort feels wrong
✗ You underestimate how much work mastery actually takes
The cruelest irony? Your giftedness becomes the ceiling, not the foundation.
What I wish someone had told me at 25:
Your intelligence is not your identity. Your potential is not your performance. Your natural ability is not your destiny.
(Oh and by the way, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should—and that meant taking on what others would not.)
The traits that got you praised aren't necessarily the ones that will get you results.
Here's what actually moves the needle:
Learning to stay with difficulty instead of jumping to the next thing
Developing systems that work with your intensity, not against it
Building tolerance for looking foolish while you're learning
Distinguishing between being smart and being effective
Creating structures that support your best thinking instead of relying on inspiration
None of this comes naturally to gifted people.
We're taught to trust our instincts, follow our interests, and let our talents guide us.
But talent without strategy is just expensive procrastination.
Why gifted people need coaches (and it's not what you think):
It's not because you're broken or behind.
It's because your strengths have blindspots that only someone outside your brilliant mind can see.
It's because the very traits that made you exceptional can become the patterns that limit you.
It's because you need someone who can hold your complexity while helping you see where it's serving you—and where it's not.
The shift that changes everything:
Moving from "I'm naturally good at this" to "I'm committed to getting better at this."
From "This should be easy for me" to "This is worth the effort it takes."
From "I don't need help" to "I need the right kind of help."
That's when your giftedness becomes a true advantage instead of a beautiful burden.
Your sophisticated mind deserves sophisticated support.
Not remedial (or … formulaic) coaching that treats you like you're missing basic skills, or just like every other basic bot out there.
Not generic advice that ignores how your mind actually works.
But precise, targeted work that helps you see and shift the patterns you can't see from inside your own brilliance.
Because the most actualized gifted people aren't the ones who never needed help.
They're the ones who got the right help at the right time.
What smack-talk from your "gifted golden child" (or gifted invisible child) days is still running your life?
#GiftedAdults #PersonalDevelopment #Leadership #SelfAwareness #ProfessionalGrowth
